Be Strong and Courageous!!

When I think about raising a support team to get me to and keep me in Papua New Guinea, I have many emotions. I recently found out that some people stuff or deny that they have emotions. I clearly never knew this was an option. I have emotions about everything!!

While I was at the training center, some of my friends and I did a study/class/group thing called Developing a Discerning Heart (DDH) which gave us tools to determine the source of our emotions. Emotions are like flashing lights for wrong beliefs. So the other day, I was trying to sort through some emotions I had in regards to my deputation: fear, panic, notenoughness (it's a word :), feeling like the task is impossible....

I am scared.

Scared of the fact that I have to raise my support or it won't get done. Scared that it all rests on me. Scared because even though I have people behind me, encouraging me and coaching me, I sometimes feel really alone in this task.

I am scared because I know that if it is all up to me, I will fail. 

There! I said it! I will fail. Failure is never something I have approached with gladness. I have a lot of pride stored up in the fact that I don't often fail (but that's a whole other blog post...) So when everything is boiled down and and out in the open, the truth remains that if I do this in my own strength, it's not gonna happen. 

But I think I am in good company. I have been reading in the book of Joshua and I was really struck by how huge Joshua's task was. He had seen how hard it was for Moses to lead Israel and he himself had been on the chopping block a time or two. He had to have understood how insufficient he was for the job. I think that's why people kept telling him to "be strong," "be brave," "be courageous." 

Deuteronomy 31:7-8 - "Then Moses called for Joshua, and as all Israel watched, he said to him, 'Be strong and courageous! For you will lead these people into the land that the Lord swore to their ancestors he would give them. You are the one who will divide it among them as their grants of land. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.'”

Deuteronomy 31:23 - "Then the Lord commissioned Joshua son of Nun with these words: 'Be strong and courageous, for you must bring the people of Israel into the land I swore to give them. I will be with you.'”

Joshua 1:1, 5, 7, 9 - "After the death of Moses the Lord’s servant, the Lord spoke to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ assistant. He said...'No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you. Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. Be strong and very courageous...This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:16-18 "They [the people of Israel] answered Joshua, 'We will do whatever you command us, and we will go wherever you send us. We will obey you just as we obeyed Moses. And may the Lord your God be with you as he was with Moses. Anyone who rebels against your orders and does not obey your words and everything you command will be put to death. So be strong and courageous!'”

I also noticed that in each of these instances, regardless of who was talking, the reason given for being strong and courageous was the fact that God would be with Joshua. Moses and God both told Joshua that He would not fail Him. We as believers have that same promise: 

So as I have been thinking through all of this, I began to understand that I am scared about support raising because in those moments of panic, I am not believing that God really is with me. I am not trusting in His promise to not fail or abandon me. I am trusting in my own strength and abilities, incredibly feeble though they may be. 

If I don't find my source of strength and encouragement from the same place as Joshua, I won't make it. I must trust that God really can do what He has promised: that He will provide, that He will not fail me. Abraham got this: "Abraham never wavered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever He promises. And because of Abraham’s faith, God counted him as righteous." (Romans 4:20-22)